Bridge Builder

I had a long conversation with Kit today, out in the vineyard, about being a bridge builder. About how that requires not that you find common ground necessarily, but that you find ground that's close enough for a connection, and then you build that connection over those things that do divide you. This means that when one is a bridge builder, one spends a lot of time in the in-between places instead of on solid ground. An essential skill of the bridge builder is the ability to live with that ambiguity, that shakiness, that lack of solid ground. And, of course, you have to be able to truly go to both lands, not just stay in the in-between common ground spaces.

It's part of my witness in this world to be true to my community, and to live my faithfulness to the fullest extent possible. Even though I am in the process of marrying a Christian, it is important to me to be the best Jew I can be, to stay true and faithful to my traditions to the fullest extent I'm able, although it can be hard and painful at times. However, it would be worse to reject my religion, to loose that rich and beautiful tradition just because my life path has taken me contrary to what is accepted and expected by my community. I might always be marginalized in Judaism, but I will still be a part of the religious community. And as Kit said, you can't really change something, or challenge someone, unless you love them. If I have a problem with Judaism, I have to deal with it as a observant and practicing Jew who truly loves Torah and my fellow Jew. Otherwise my criticism has no more weight than the words of any other outsider.

It's also part of my witness to affirm the importance of difference. My partner is a Quaker, and a Christian. There are things our traditions have in common, and things we each have in common in our relationship with G-d, but our traditions are also very, very different. Our traditions have their strengths, and they have their weaknesses, but they are not one big mushy monotheistic family. It has been a blessing in my life to learn as much as I can about Quakerism and Christianity, so that I am able to talk to my beloved in that language and to hold him accountable to his tradition. It has also been a great blessing to have him return this favor, and share Judaism with me on Judaism's terms, teaching me what he learns and holding me accountable to the integrity of my tradition. That level of respect and mutual understanding make both of us richer, but within that we are still clear that no matter how much I quote the New Testament to him, I am not a Christian and I feel no desire to be one. It's his tradition, and I love it and appreciate it but it is not my home. I have my own tradition to ground me. His Truth need not compete with or threaten my Truth, although they might contradict and I believe that both of them are True. That is the beauty of paradox, fully lived.